I am writing this today with a heavy heart. My heart goes out to my earliest childhood friend, Maleigha, who yesterday lost her 21 month old baby girl tragically to sudden illness. I cannot begin to imagine the pain that she is experiencing. Baby Mattalyn was the pride and joy of not only her mother, but her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and great grandparents. Today their hearts are broken, their world has been shaken, and life as they knew it may never be the same. I am asking you today that you join me in praying for this precious family who are facing what no one should have to face.
+ Pray that God's grace and mercy carry them through this difficult time. + Pray that God would guard their hearts in the midst of their pain and grief, that they would know he is near them during this time and always. + Pray that they would find strength in each other. + Pray that in the midst of all the questions, God gives them peace.
To Maleigha and the entire Ornelia family, we are with you and praying for during this difficult time. Our hearts are broken with you. Much love goes out to you today and in the days ahead.
Day 30 - Well, friends, today is the last day of November and I am happy to say that I actually succeeded at posting something everyday. :) I honestly wasn't sure that I was gonna be able to, some days a barely got it them in on time. (Much like today lol) Anyway, today I am grateful for the amazing support system of friends and family that I have. :) To all of you who have always supported me and continue to support me and believe in me, I want to say a huge, heartfelt... "Thank You" :) Much Love.
Today I am thankful for those special moments God gives us at random, the moments where we are reminded that we are not alone. Those special moments that God creates, for the simple purpose of encouraging us.
I am also very thankful for the Brantley family. :) They have been such a huge blessing to our family and I am so grateful that God crossed our paths. :)
Day 28 - I am so grateful for days like today where there is nothing to but enjoy doing nothing. :) It has been a while since I had a day like this, and for the most part I enjoyed every moment of it. (Only downside has been having a cold :( ) Also, I am thankful for my dad who has done his very best to take care of me and my mom today (since my mom is sick too). He has tried to get us anything that will make us feel better. :) Love you dad.
Day 27 - I am thankful to have had the opportunity to spend the day in San Diego visiting family. :) Its so wonderful to be around people that make you feel "at home" and like you belong and always have a place with them. So, today I am thankful for all the family I was able to see and spend time with today. I love you all. :)
Day 26 - Happy Thanksgiving! Today I give thanks for being blessed with spending the afternoon and evening surrounded by family who love me (as well as being surrounded with amazing food!). Today I count the huge blessing that it is to have a family that I know are there for me no matter what life may throw at us and no matter how much we (*cough* Daniel and I *cough*) get on each other nerves at times haha. It was a great day today. Today I am thankful for the people I spent the day with: Dad, Mom, Daniel, Guera, Joshua :), Harvey, Elaine, Ellie :) (And Brian and Ian for a little while too). Much love to you all.
I am grateful for the wonderful day I got to spend with my grandma today. :) I love how even though my grandma always enjoys giving tangible gifts to her family she never sells short the gift of her time. No matter what lies ahead, I always have these precious moments with her, and they will always only belong to me :) I am so thankful to have the opportunity to really know my grandma, I wasn't as fortunate with my grandma on my dad's side, so I really appreciate the blessing that it is.
Needless to say, again, I am thankful for my grandma today. :)
I am thankful for all those "little" moments I have throughout the day that make me smile. A phone call from my dad :) A text from my mom :) A smile from my nephew :) Making cookies :) Spending time with Daniel and Guera :) Silly text messages from Jesica :) For all these "little" things and more I am thankful.
Today I would like to give thanks for my friend Miriam. Even though we have each had a crazy year, Miriam is one of those people that is still always concerned for the well being of others over herself. She is a true testament of God's love in my life. She is a wonderful friend, one of the best, without whom my life would seriously be lacking. :)
I am so thankful for God's constant provision. So many times I take for granted the fact that I want for nothing. Even during some of the hardest times, He has never failed to provide all of my needs.
And today I am thankful for my friend Grace, who I saw today to help me with a special project I am working on. :) I am thankful for old friends resurfacing in the present. :)
Today I am very grateful to be writing this post from my brother's house in Anaheim! :) I am spending the week here with them just for fun and also to help prepare for our Thanksgiving on Thursday. Very happy to be here with them :)
I am also very grateful for my cousin George. :) For lots of reasons that I won't list here, he is just great, both as family and as a friend. So thankful to have him in my life. Love you G! :)
Day 21 - Today I am thankful to have made it through this week. It was a tough one for me physically and emotionally, there were a couple of really bad days. Thank God that His grace is ALWAYS sufficient, even when it feels like you're hanging on by a thread. He never lets go. I have been thankful for her and her family earlier this month, but today I want to give special thanks for Elaine Turell who is celebrating her birthday today :) If you know Elaine, you know how blessed you are to call her a friend. Today I thank God for not only bringing her into my life several years ago, but for keeping her these past ** years :) I know life has presented many challenges to her, but her resilience is inspiring. Elaine, I love you so much and thank God for you today. Enjoy your day!
Today I am really grateful to be feeling better. Since Tuesday I have been fighting some sort of virus off, and today was the first time I ate without feeling really sick. So, I really happy to be feeling a lot better :)
I am thankful today for my friend Blu :) We lost touch over the last several months and reconnected today. She responded as though we had never lost touch and it was so great to talk to her. Lots of love to her and her family. :)
Day 19 - Today, I am thankful for one really big thing/person...I am so very thankful that my best friend Jesica and her husband are expecting their first baby! :) It's really exciting, and I am so happy for them. I know they will be great parents and this baby is already blessed with more love than most know in a lifetime. Congrats guys! I love you.
This one's coming in a little late, but I am thankful to have spent some quality time with my parents, grandparents, and brother today. :) [I was missing Guera and Joshua though :)]
Today I am grateful for my friends, Enoc and Myrna (and Jake too). They came into my life a couple of years ago and right away they felt like more than friends; they were/are family. Although, our schedules make it difficult to see each other often, when we do, it is always so much fun. I miss you guys, but I am so thankful to know you and have you in my life. Thanks for all you have done and for always being there :) Love you guys.
Day 17 - Today I am so very thankful for music. I'm thankful that I grew up in a home that music was a part of (well, more than just a part...a really BIG part lol). You know by now that I am a fan of words and using them to accurately communicate something, but in my brother's house there is a picture on the wall that says "Where words fail, music speaks." Honestly, when I first read it, I was a little hurt lol, I didn't like the idea of words failing, but after thinking about it...it is true. There have been countless times where I have not had the words to describe a feeling and then I will hear a song that resonates so perfectly with whatever I may be feeling. So, today, I am thankful for the gift of music. :) I am also very grateful for a former teacher of mine...Steve Broberg. He was my 8th grade English teacher, but he always wore the hat of a friend as well. He taught me about poetry, I can't say a ton of it stuck though (sorry Steve!), most of the time I still feel confused after reading it, but I appreciate the effort he put in to try and help me make sense of it. When I didn't do my best at something and he knew it and he didn't hesitate to tell me. Of course, these times were close to none, what with my being the perfect student and all (yeah, right!). He was one of the first people I remember knowing that loved words and language and that made a lasting impression on me, one I would return to later in my life. Steve Broberg is still a friend today and I am so thankful that God placed him in my life when he did. I hope to make him proud with some form of literary work someday, but of course this would require me to get rid of the habit I have had since Junior High of overuse and under use of commas lol. I can't ever seem to get that one right, but that's what editors are for ;) someday, anyway. Thank Steve for, well, just being you. :)
Day 16 - Well, this month is just flying by isn't it? Day 16 already...today I am thankful to have spent and enjoyed this most beautiful day with my parents. :) It was a busy day, but a great one. I am very grateful for my uncle Isaac. He has been there for me during some of my darkest moments and is always such a safe place of love and grace. I don't see him often, but when I do his embrace is always warm. Near or far, I can feel he cares about me, I feel his prayers and support. He has gone above and beyond just being my uncle. Since I have been able to know so few of my uncle's on my dad's side, I am grateful that I have my uncle Isaac in my life. :)
Day 15 - Today I'm grateful for books. :) Even though I wasn't always a "reader" by nature, recently I have been reading a lot more and I think it is awesome. There are so many books about so many things, I appreciate how accessible knowledge is through them. (I am especially thankful that there is a library at the corner of the street we live in) Tying in with books, though I have never met him, I am thankful for the author Matthew Paul Turner. He is one of the most honest writers I have ever experienced, he isn't afraid to say whats on his mind and who he might upset as a result. His blog gave me the final push I needed to start my own blog here. He has inspired me as a writer and for that I am very grateful. :)
Day 14 - I am thankful for love. The kind of love that leaves one overwhelmed and speechless. That love that looks beyond the outside surface and speaks to the deepest parts of us, setting us free to be nothing other than exactly who we are. I am so very thankful for my grandpa, we celebrated his 70th birthday today. He was surrounded by love and family, I so enjoyed watching him take it all in. I am so thankful to have him in my life and I pray that he is in my life for many years to come. :)
This morning it is simple, but I am so thankful that I have successfully finished a family project I have been working on this week. :) I am very happy with its outcome and look forward to sharing it with family tomorrow. :)
I would also like to gave thanks for some new friends in our life; John and Michelle. We met John and Michelle just a few short months ago and since the day my family met them, we were embraced with so much love. They have been a huge help and support to us during this time in transition and I don't think we could have done it without them. :) Thanks John and Michelle!
Day 12 - Today's post comes a little late in the day :) But I am so thankful for the ability to create. Sometimes I am overwhelmed at all that in means to be made in Christ's image. He is the Creator of the universe and all that is in it, therefore being made in his image, I have the gift of creativity; the ability to create. A lot of the time I don't know what my life would be like without that gift. Today I am thankful for an old friend, Jason Shapiro. Jason is someone who has been in my life for what feels like a long time, and no matter how life's seasons have changed he is always around and connected. I admire Jason so much because he is one person who I have seen in action, he so beautifully embraces his God-given ability to create. Whatever he does, he does with all he has. He seeks to honor the God who created him by living a life of passion and excellence. By watching how he lives his life, I am inspired to be completely sold out to that thing inside all of us; the desperate longing to create and be a part of something so much bigger than yourself. Love you J!
Day 11 - Okay, so today my 2 thankful points are being combined as one for this special Veteran's Day gratitude. I am so thankful for all those who have fought, past and present, to create and preserve the freedoms I so often take for granted. All throughout history, lives have been sacrificed, children have lost fathers and mothers, parents have lost children, all for this country...I am so grateful for those who have had the courage to fight, I don't think I would have that courage. So, rather than one specific person, I am grateful for all those who serve and have served in the armed forces. I am especially thankful for the ones in my family who have stepped up to serve this country. Though there are several in my family there is one in particular I am thinking of today: I never got to know him, but today I remember my uncle, Victor "Chief" Lopez who gave his life in Vietnam.
Day 10 - I am so thankful that I live in this country where I have the freedom of expression. People may not always like what I have to say, but no matter what, I am free to say it. :) Today I am thankful for my Junior High teacher James Bove. My Junior High years were two of the best and worst years of my life and he helped me survive them. He played an instrumental role in my life, and I know I am better, stronger person today because of him. He made a lasting impact on my life and taught me so much that has continued to get me through life's hard seasons. It is very rare to come across a teacher with a true passion and love for what they do, he is one of them and I feel so grateful that I got to be one of his students. :)
Confession: Sometimes I don't write what I think or feel because I'm afraid...afraid of what exactly? Well, I guess I'm afraid of what people will think or say, who I might offend, that someone might take things I say personally etc. I don't want this to be the case, but recently it has been. I know I shouldn't be afraid, I mean hey it's my blog, if you don't like what I write then don't visit it lol. But somehow, I still fear. I'm tired of being afraid. So...this is me trying not to be afraid...
I know that it may seem like "church rants" are my thing, and I don't know maybe its one of my things, but its where I have spent so much of my life and I am very aware of things that go on in it.
Anyway, since last year's election I have been really troubled at how pastors and preachers try to speak about politics from the pulpit. From where I'm standing, mixing politics and preaching is like mixing oil and water...unsuccessful and unproductive. Last year, here in California, the "church" was very caught up on Prop 8 and on a nationwide level it launched its very own "anti-Obama" campaign. The church I happened to be at last year was very vocal about this stuff, it always made me uncomfortable. I believe we do need to stand up for what we believe in...but more importantly we need to be free to believe in whatever it is we choose to. Sometimes, blinded by ambition (and sometimes ignorance), pastors and preachers get what I call "Political-Pulpit Syndrome." [For the sake of typing less we will refer to this as PPS] PPS is the consuming idea that preaching one's own political convictions will somehow edify your audience or church members. PPS seems to be plaguing many of today's pastors, its unfortunate. Rather than unifying people, they alienate them; it sends the message that "if you don't believe in what I am preaching then you're in the wrong." The very idea that if we believe differently than a pastor we are "sinning" as though he or she knows what is right is just crazy. God gave pastors a platform to model and teach God's love and grace...and you are seriously going to get up there and tell me that if I drink, listen to "secular" music, dance, if I am gay, if I drink a brand of soda you don't support, if I don't agree with your political beliefs, or if I God-forbid register Democrat that God's grace will suddenly run out for me?! Sorry...this doesn't work for me. God gave each of us a mind of our own and with this mind we can be informed and make our own choices. I find it so ironic that in this country we are free to worship however we choose to, yet so often in the groups we choose to worship with there is way less freedom. We are not free to be who we are and believe what we believe...or at least not while we are in front of "church folk."
Here is why I believe PPS can be so dangerous: in addition to alienating people, it gives the illusion that in supporting political agendas publicly, you as pastor or preacher can be held responsible for the acts that other people with the same beliefs commit in the name of these beliefs. All throughout history there have been horrible crimes committed in the name of political beliefs...the greatest of these crimes is the heart of which they are committed; judgement and "un-love" (I feel hate is too strong of a word in this instance). Even recently I have found myself in situations where political beliefs are imposed at church and it so greatly grieves my heart. I'm not saying we need to stand up for nothing, I think its important to have beliefs and to support those beliefs; I just don't feel that church is the appropriate time or place to discuss them publicly. I think it is like playing with fire and sooner or later someone will get burned. Let me share with you what I believe:
I believe that instead of imposing political ideas and beliefs on others, we should adopt a policy of love and respect. We should love others and respect them simply because we are all a part of the human race...regardless of appearance, religious beliefs, political beliefs, or anything else that makes someone "different" than us. At the end of the day we are all citizens of humanity and from what I have learned...Jesus died for ALL of humanity so who am I to judge or disqualify someone because they may be different? I believe the cure for PPS is love...and let me say this: I do not love PPS, but I love the pastors who at times have a bad case of it. :)
What if we put our political agendas aside and just loved someone because they deserve to be loved? What if we didn't just "preach" love, but lived love? What if we used our platforms as pastors or preachers to love the unloved rather than judge them? What if The Beatles knew more about it than we give them credit for...What if all you really need is love? Can it really be that simple? Honestly...I think so.
Today I am thankful for my health and the health of the people I love.
And I am thankful for my friend Missy. :) She has been one of my biggest supporters and even on the worst days manages to be a constant ray of sunshine. She is one of those people that spreads a contagious joy wherever she goes. She is a great friend and I am so grateful that a few years ago God crossed our paths. :)
Day 8 - Today I am grateful that I woke up without the really bad headache I went to sleep with :) I am also very grateful for Harvey, Elaine, & Ellie Turell. They have been in my life for so long and have always been a huge source of love and acceptance. No matter what they are battling personally, they are always more concerned with how others around them are doing. They have never ceased to be an inspiration and a joy, my life without them would definitely be lacking. I love you guys!
I am so grateful for the gift of writing. I can't really imagine my life without it...without being able to communicate through the written word. Since I was a little girl I have kept journals and written down whatever it is I have felt and it has been a wonderful experience. In the last year I have learned so much more about writing and I plan on continuing to learn more. I love that no matter what I may be going through there are usually words that help me get through it.
Today I am grateful for one of my college music instructors, Alex Cima. He taught me by example what it meant to find something you're passionate about and to do it with excellence. He always expected the very best from me and in doing so he brought out the very best in me. He taught me how to be a great student and though his time as my teacher is over, I still take so many of the lessons he taught me with me everyday.
Today I am thankful for God's protection over me and all the ones I love.
And today I am thankful for my dad who (in addition to God ;) ) has always taken the role of protecting me. My entire life he has made me feel safe and secure, more than the physical protection he has always made me feel safe and secure in his love. :) Love you dad!
Day 5 - I am very grateful today for the gift of friendship. Throughout my life God has blessed me with so many wonderful friends, some for a season, and others for much longer, they have all greatly enriched my life...and for that I am so grateful. Moving to a new city recently I have missed my friends tremendously, but I know that near or far, they are always there. :) Thank you for that! Specifically, I am so thankful for my best friend Jesica :) We have been friends since Junior High, (which is a miracle in and of itself, we're all such punks in J.H. lol) and remained in constant contact ever since. Very few days go by when we aren't texting each other meaningless nonsense all day lol. She has always been a huge support system to me no matter what struggles I face in my life, we laugh together, she cries, and somehow we make sense of each other when we fail to understand ourselves. If you aren't jealous of me yet you should be lol...she is the friend you want to be in your corner when you're up against the biggest, scariest monster life can send your way. Love you Jes! (I would just like to add that my spell check highlighted the word "texting" as being incorrect and suggested that I was trying to spell "testing" or "exiting"...strange that "texting" is not in its vocabulary yet. Hmm. )
Today I am so thankful for God's unwavering grace and temperament. On my worst days, He looks at me no different than on my "best" days. When I don't have it in me to give myself the grace to have a bad day, He always does. And what amazes me even more is that He doesn't expect me to have only good days and a permanently positive attitude (like people so often do.) And He doesn't judge me on days when I find it hard to be grateful. I'm so thankful that to Him, on any day and everyday I am enough just as I am. Period.
I am so, so, so thankful for my beautiful nephew. :) I'm thankful for him pretty much everyday, but today especially. So often, he represents everything good in the world. No matter what kind of day I may be having, he always greets me with his smile that can light up the darkest rooms. He has complete joy and he makes it contagious. I pray that he fights for that joy when life tries to rob him of it. Much love to nephew today. :)
Try and tell me that he didn't just make you smile? :)
Day 3 - Today I am simply happy and thankful to be alive. :) And I am especially thankful for my Grandma Eva today. She is always loving, caring, gracious, and so much more. Her house is where you want to go on those days you want to escape the harshness of daily life. Her unwavering faith in God and His ability to take care of us and always provide has been the very thing that has helped sustain me through the hard times. I love her more than I can tell you and I feel so grateful to have her and know her.
Day 2 - I am so grateful for a safe and comfortable place to live. There are so many even in our own cities that are without safe homes. My family may have had some financial struggles throughout this last season in our lives but we have never been without a place to live, and for that I am so thankful. Today, I want to express gratitude for my big brother, Daniel :) He is one of my biggest supporters and always has been, and he is always there to be a friend and inspiration. He is always a great sounding board for any crazy ideas I might have and always honest as to whether or not they are good ideas :) He is an incredible brother, friend, son, husband, and father. I am proud to have him as my brother and so thankful for him.
Today is November 1st and I have been absent from posting here for almost a month, there are a long list of excuses I can give you, but the bottom line is I just didn't. I have missed it and I am tired of missing it...so I'm back! :) lol
So, to get things going I am challenging both you and I to a little something :) Now is the time of year when to do lists get longer, days seem to get shorter, and we all just hope to survive the holiday craziness...I'm proposing something simple; let's make Thanksgiving a lifestyle rather than a once a year holiday. I know we are all grateful throughout the year, but personally, its not a part of my daily life the way I would like it to be. It is not something I am proud of, but it is truth. How quickly would I run out of "the usual" things to be grateful for and have to start searching for more? How might my outlook on life be altered if I spent my day "searching" for things to be grateful for? I'm curious, so here is what I am challenging "us" to do:
For myself, I am going to try to do one blog post everyday (in addition to these daily posts, I will get back into blogging about all of the other fun random stuff :) I usually blog about) and in that post I will write 2 things: One thing (thing, place, experience etc.) that I am grateful for, and one person I am grateful for.
In your own way I challenge you to do the same :) If you want to share it as a comment that's fine, or maybe you wanna keep it to yourself in a journal, or maybe just tell someone what you're grateful for everyday. Maybe this can help us not get so bogged down by the business of heading into the holiday season...and if not...maybe its just a good thing to do.
Day 1 - Today I am grateful for 64 colors and everything it has meant to me. It has been a huge creative outlet that has kept me "sane" (or nearly sane lol) a lot of the time. It has been such a gracious place for me to work things out and mostly it has been a place of tremendous growth for me. It has been my beginning, "beginning of what?" you might ask... I'm still figuring that out, but I feel it has been the start of something. I know without it I would have lost it at some point. Today I am grateful, not for one specific person, but rather a whole group of people...you. My readers. :) You all inspire me to continue doing what I love. Writing is something I get so much joy out of and you all double my joy every time you let me take you along for the ride. So I am grateful for you and to you. Thanks for reading!
Today marks the 30th Wedding Anniversary of my mom and dad. :)
To me 30 years says:
-That it is possible.
-That God is good.
-That in all seasons of life, God's grace truly is sufficient.
-That love never fails.
It is hard for me to know exactly what to write in honor of this special day because the fact of the matter is that I don't know what it is like to do anything for 30 years. I do know that 30 years of just about anything is a big deal, whether its 30 years of life, or a job, and in this case marriage. While I can't say I know what marriage is like, I know that it is a relationship; a friendship. And I know a little about that.
There is no denying that we are all living in hard times. Life is overwhelming and when we look ahead a lot of what we see is scary, intimidating, and seemingly impossible. So often when we are looking at the daunting task of survival we lose sight of the things that are most important. I believe that in addition to the always sufficient grace of God, the thing that has kept my parents these 30 years is that in those times they do not focus solely on what lies ahead. Relationships break down when all you do is look at what is in front of you, rather than who is beside you. When you focus on who is beside you, what lies ahead of you becomes irrelevant. It becomes irrelevant because no matter what it is you know that you will never have to walk it alone. You know that you will always have someone to talk with and someone to laugh with. You know that when you don't have to strength to carry yourself, someone else will be there to help. You know that no matter what fails in your life, love never does.
My mom and dad have lived a life of love that has never failed. They have remained true to the vows they made 30 years ago, and as they grew and changed so did their love. Their life has been a life of much change, but always remembering that they had each other they have pressed on. Today, they continue to press on, they continue to conquer the unknown up ahead. They continue on in love, a love that never fails.
The last few years have been pretty brutal on our family, there have been many times where I looked at what was ahead and freaked out, but somehow I have continued on. The reason I have been able to do that is because I know at the start of each day I am linked arm in arm, heart to heart, with my parents. Together we keep on going. That love and support has changed my life. I am able to be at peace with all the unknowns because I know that with them I will never be alone, I will always have them to laugh with, and when I can't carry myself, they will pick me up. Most of all I know that their love for me never fails.
So, to my parents on this special day:
Thank you for showing me what love is. Thank you for showing my what friendship truly is. Thank you for always staying true to each other, and to our family. There are many things I can go without, your love is not one of them. Thank you for loving me with an unfailing love.
Today I honor you and I celebrate you and even though we are not together right now, and times are a little weird, please don't ever forget that we have an unbreakable bond. I am proud to call you my parents; my friends. I love you more than I can begin to express. I pray that your lives will be filled with joy and love, not just for today but for many years to come. Congratulations!
I have yet to meet someone who can genuinely say “I love moving!” (now of course this is the ‘moving’ that involves packing up all of one’s belongings and transporting them from one geographical location to another…not to be confused with merely ‘moving’ from one place on the couch to another). Yet, at some point in all of our lives we find ourselves doing that thing that so many of despise…moving. It is a concept all too familiar to me right now. A little over a week ago my family and I survived a pretty ambitious move. Throughout the process though, I found it interesting how the physical act of packing up all my things seemed to coincide with some internal inventory that I have been taking. Packing and moving forces you to open closets you never open, go through old things you thought would remain sealed in boxes and drawers forever and, well it simply forces you to sort through the past. It is remarkable how much ‘stuff’ we acquire over time, and to think that I am only 22 years into my acquiring process…still so much stuff left for me to compile. Anyway, while I was going through all of the things in my room alone, I had to sort things into piles…things to keep…things to get rid of. I have never been very good at the latter. I am what one might call a compulsive pack rat. Well, this time around I found it much easier to put things in the ‘get rid of’ pile. I think it is an overall theme within me right now, I want so badly for this new phase to be different than phases passed. I finally realized that part of making that happen involves my getting rid of things that I do not need. Now let me clarify, this is not a matter of wardrobe or accessories…the things I have found it necessary to keep over the years are papers, cassette tapes (yes, cassette tapes! I was born on the brink of the CD revolution), letters, old school assignments from Junior High etc…things that most of you would probably refer to as junk. I finally came to a place where I realized that not all of it needed to come with me to my new place, a realization my mom felt was LONG overdue. Simultaneously, I began to learn how to “get rid of” things within me that were of no use to me anymore. Things like hurts from relationships of my past, bitterness towards situations beyond my control, anger about unmet expectations etc. It’s not exactly a one-time process, but I am much further along in it than I have ever been before. It is incredibly freeing, it is allowing me to have a better shot at this new phase in my life being a better one, a different one. There are still many challenges in my present and many more to come in the future, but I feel a glimmer of hope shining through the brokenness that has become my soul…and for now, that is more than enough.
(Oh and as a random side note...it took long enough, but this is my 50th blog post! :) yeah I don't know why it's a big deal, but it is. lol)
My brother, my friend We’ve been a pair since the beginning You have always looked out for me You played with me even when it didn’t make you cool Childhood became an adventure with you by my side
My brother, my friend You taught me what it meant to use my imagination It was with you that I shared some of my earliest dreams You always responded with hopeful possibility You made it cool to dreamMy brother, my friend
When I thought there were monsters in my closet You didn’t laugh and turn me away You let me sleep on the floor next to your bed
Or you would leave your door open so I knew you were nearMy brother, my friend Now we’re both getting older Life has taught us some pretty brutal lessons But together, a pair, we still remain Life’s hard times are a little less scary with you around Whether its monsters under the bed Or the unknown up ahead You are now and have always been My brother, my friend
In the process of packing and attempting not to transport unnecessary stuff with me in the move, I came across some poems I had written my Senior year of high school. My elective my last semester was poetry, and while I don't consider myself to be a poet (rather I see myself as a free-form writer), it was nice to see how even before I realized it...writing has always been my safe place. I wrote this poem for a poetry contest, I didn't win, but I remember it was a really big deal that I had the guts to try out. So, here is one of two poems I submitted.
The Song Within Me
Locked up with my hands tied behind my back With nothing but a slight memory of what used to be my song. I couldn't even play the music of my pain I was like a plant in the desert, totally dry No longer did I have the strength to try My song had been lost in a prison of my heartache Bound by the chains of painful memories So, deep in this prison lay my song It was gone for so long, I thought it was lost. I had no hope and had stopped trying to find it. Then, while in this prison you came to me, But you came empty-handed, without the key And still, you stayed next to me and loved me... Beyond my prison and beyond my chains In your ears my song still played. When I couldn't find the lyrics to what was once my song, You hummed the melody and tried to remind me. When that failed, you danced to its rhythm and hoped I'd remember. But still there I stayed, bound in this prison Searching, but not finding the song of my soul. Until one day, I started to hear it again. With each passing day, another verse uncovered; I had finally found it; the lost song within When I looked up the chains were gone And you held in your hand a ring full of keys. Then I asked, "Where did you get the keys that freed me?" You answered. "These keys didn't free you, you freed yourself. Everytime you searched inside to find your song within Another link of the chain would disappear. The prison you were in, in which your song lay Was only a picture of what you looked like inside. I came to be with you, so you weren't alone But it was you, yourself that found your way home. And now you freely sing the song within you." I looked up at you with tears in my eyes Because it was not I that freed myself It was you and your love...your love was the key You freed, the once lost, song within me
Those of you who have been readers of mine for a while know that I possess quite a few self-diagnosed "issues" with church. Issues that are particularly fueled by the current state of the church as it pertains to my generation. In an attempt to "reach" my generation, churches like to throw around the phrase "culturally relevant". Thinking things like: "If we can just be more culturally relevant then that will bring those kids back to church." What should be a brilliant and effective idea, often times turns out to be a train wreck! "What do I mean?" you ask...well let me show you...pause the music to the lower right hand side and watch this video. Then I will continue to explain.
For those of you who thought that the previous video was genius and cutting-edge, please feel free to stop reading now. And for the rest of you...here we go....
SERIOUSLY?!?! Did you see that? The church just took 5 major steps back! There is a HUGE misconception that being "culturally relevant" is to embrace pop culture from the platform. WRONG! How does a display like this one engage me? How does this guide me to a life-changing encounter with the Creator of the universe? How does this make me 'want' to associate with church? Truth is...it doesn't. Maybe 10 or 15 years ago this was radical and cutting edge, today not so much.
I think I have tackled this one before, but in my opinion cultural relevance has very little to do with the current top 40 hits. What I feel churches fail to consider is the social, economic, technological, etc., changes in today's culture. Being educated and aware of such changes is to be culturally relevant. (Again, only my opinion) The essence of my generation's culture has so much more to do with the ease of access to information and networking, than it does "secular" (you know I hate that word) music. Most of us don't remember life before computers, Internet, texting, etc., instant information is what we are accustomed to. This is not to say that we should all sit in church on Sunday and have the pastor text message us the sermon while sitting right in front of him, but simply means to tell us the truth instantly. Since we are able to find answers so quickly, it is not appealing to go to a church on a Sunday morning where tough questions we have are glossed over because they may be uncomfortable. So, churches, please don't just assume that playing Coldplay as part of your Sunday morning service will "reach" us...please don't reduce our intelligence to such a low level, we have much more substance than that. Thanks.
Serious stuff aside...I did find this video absolutely hilarious. lol. :)
Every once in a while we are fortunate enough to come across an artist/album/song that has the ability to stop us in our tracks. I had such a moment this week and I just HAVE to share it with you! :) Anyone close to me knows that since my childhood I have had what (at some points) has been a slight obsession with Motown and its earliest era. I have always found it so astounding that music created long before my time can still move me when I hear it today. It was music bred in a time where creativity wasn't as encouraged as it is now, but rather it was necessary in the hopes that it would inspire. Sometimes it inspired people to dance, other times it inspired people not just to dance but to dance right through the racial boundaries that had been placed on them by society. This music had something so special about it. Though socially, it was a hard time to live in for some people, I have always wished that I could have been around back then. I wish that I could hear these songs that would become classics for the first time when music like it was unheard of. I love a lot of the music my generation has produced thus far, but nothing has excited me the way Mayer Hawthorne did when I first heard it. When you hear the first couple tracks on his album A StrangeArrangement your first thought is that he is merely covering old Motown-era songs. Once I researched a little more I learned that every song on his record is completely original...straight from his mind to our ears. He has somehow managed to write brand new songs that sound as though they were new songs back then. He has a love for the music of that era...an era that he didn't belong too. They were 'oldies' when he was a kid but he fell in love the music. He wrote all the songs on the album and plays a lot of the instruments himself in addition to singing beautifully on the whole thing. If you're a fan of Motown and music from that original time I would definitely recommend that you give it a listen. :) It's a little eerie at times how it sounds old but is brand new. It's an 'eerie' that I love! Hope you like it! (In case you hadn't gathered it yet...this is a major 2 thumbs up for me! )
Here is a taste of what you can expect to hear on the album. Enjoy!
**Also John Mayer said (via Twitter) that in his opinion Album of the Year goes to Mayer Hawthorne**
Change Is....Inevitable. Constant. Impossible to escape. Scary. Difficult. And at this moment in my life, more present than it has been in a while. It seems as though in a few short moments so much has changed, is changing, and will continue to change. As you may remember from past posts my family has been hit like so many others with this economic recession and have been fighting to stay above water. We have spent many nights begging, pleading with God that a way out would come. It has taken what has felt like an eternity, but things are finally starting to be set in motion...a forward motion. My dad has been given a great opportunity to be a part of a church with big dreams, a team, doing one of the things he was created to do. Worship. He now the primary worship pastor for Rock Solid Christian Assembly in San Pedro. This position is relocating us to San Pedro. It isn't far from where we are now, but logistically is going to be quite an adjustment. Also through this church there is a new church being planted in Newport Beach that my dad is also leading worship for. The pastor he is working with, Pastor Brad, has been so great toward our family, so welcoming and loving. (A feeling I haven't "felt" in a church for a long time) All in all it seems that it could be a positive change. The catch is that it is a whole lot of change coming at once. I worked my last day at Michael's last Saturday and once we settle in our new place I will have to seek direction for what my next job opportunity will be. And finally, the change that is beginning in my life that will "affect" you my lovely readers :) is that I am in the very early stages of work toward redesigning my blog. I have reconnected with an old friend that is really excited to work on the site. It means a possible relocation of 64 colors to its own site entirely, free from blogger. It's an opportunity to build it from the ground up, an opportunity I am super excited about. I am trying to search within myself for clarity as to what I really want to see this site become. I feel that each day I get a little bit closer to finding another piece of the puzzle. It could mean big things for the potential growth of my readers which would be incredible. The more people that I can possibly impact just amazes and excites me. Its an opportunity I hope to be presented with in the near future. More on the blog changes as I know more, it is going to be a ways down the road but I just wanted to share my good news with you all :) As I have said before, I love what I get to do here. I aspire to be better at it, and it is my heart's desire that every once in a while something I write about, or an experience that I share with you will resonate with you and serve as a reminder that none of us have to go this journey alone. That knowledge has been a huge source of strength for me in recent months. Well, that's it for now. I hope you guys have had a wonderful week. Talk to you soon.
Over the last few days I've kinda been learning some lessons...lessons about, well, life ultimately. Sometimes I find meaning in the simplest of things and that's where this story really begins...I was making a dessert to share with my family for a get together we had this past weekend and its one I've made many times before and in some ways it goes so much easier now than it used to, but in other areas it just was not working out the way I wanted it to. Somewhere during the process the phrase "Practice makes perfect" came up and struck a chord. It got me thinking...does practice ever really make perfect? The way I see it, we are humans, humans are imperfect beings, therefore no matter how much practicing we do, perfection isn't going to be the end result. This isn't a depressing thing, so please don't think that's the point I'm trying to make, what I'm trying to say is that there is so much freedom to be found when we realize that we strive for excellence rather than perfection. It's a part of the journey that I've always struggled with, when I set out to do something I want it to work out at that first attempt. I want it to be exactly how I picture it in my mind. Rarely is this the case...and (I am learning) that its okay. Over the weekend I was asking my cousin how he deals with trying new things when they don't work out and his answer ties right into all of this. He told me that it's all trial and error and every time you "error" you're that much closer to getting it right. It's something I will try to remember when something doesn't come out exactly the way I want it to the first time. :)
Not to "over-spiritualize" a fairly simple lesson but, somehow it always comes back to the beautiful grace of God. He never asks perfection of us, instead He asks for a pure heart. We don't ever run out of chances with Him. In fact, the way we really learn more about Him and how to have a more intimate relationship with Him is very much a "trial and error" kind of thing. We don't all spend time with Him the same way, what works for you may not work for me, we all communicate differently, but He doesn't love any one of us more than the other. More amazing than that is that he doesn't get so impatient with our attempts that He loves us any less. Amazing grace.
I just wanted to share with you what I've been learning these last few days. :) If you have any thoughts please feel free to share!
Okay, well technically it turned one yesterday, but the sentiment is the same today :) I haven't blogged as often as I would like to but still this outlet has been such a huge blessing to me. It has been quite a year.
Over the last year here at 64 Colors there have been, well, a lot of random posts, but somehow it has been a way for my to keep track of my history. The daily thoughts and goings on in my life and I have loved taking you along on the journey with me.
Some of the things I blogged about that stand out the most when I take a look back over the last year are:
- And of course my 'letter to my fellow church-ians' parts 1, 2, and 3
- There was also my Top 8 of 08' (most of which are still on my most played list on my ipod)
- And two posts that were very emotional for me about baby Elijah Amador and 'Elijah's Story'. I will never be the same.
I so love what I am able to do here with my blog. I look forward to continuing my journey and as long as you care to join my for the ride I would love to keep on taking you with me! Also feel free to share my blog with anyone you think who might enjoy it! :)
I hope and pray that my blog will continue to grow and develop and be able to touch people in any way it can. Please join me in this prayer.
Today is my mom's birthday and in honor of this special day I would like to tell you a few things about her :)
My mom, the wife. Always supporting my dad in all the challenges life has sent them, always being an incredible example to all young women around her :)
My mom, the mom. Always there when I need her, never failing to give of herself in anyway she can...since the day I was born.
My mom, the anchor. Always the one that keeps life together when it seems to be falling apart.
My mom, the teacher. Never failing to teach life lessons, truths about how to be a good friend, and always willing to teach me a new recipe ;)
Last...but not least.... My mom, the friend. The best one I've ever had, and the best one I'm sure I ever will have.
Happy Birthday Mom! I love you more than my words can ever say.
Life seems to be going by faster than I can keep track of. On June 15th I started working again (Thank You Jesus!) at Michael's Arts & Crafts. It's been a good thing for me, not without some challenges, but I am very grateful to have a job. I have to admit Berean has turned out to be a tough act to follow. I have come to learn that I was spoiled with co-workers that were friends; people that genuinely cared about me. I miss that. I love arts and crafts though so that makes it lots of fun :) I know that this job is a gift from God, I prayed that I would get it and I did. I have yet to figure out what His purpose is in placing me here. So for now I just want to be salt and light. Sometimes its a challenge ;) haha.
Last week my family and I had the pleasure of having some really good friends visit from up north. It was some much needed fun. It went by too fast, but it was really a great time :) That same week I said goodbye to my car. I wasn't sad about, more relieved than anything. It was kinda a mess... reason #823 I'm glad God is God and I'm not. I saw my car as beyond repair and worth more to me gone than in my possession exact opposite of how God sees us haha. Yes, thank you God for your grace! :) I wasn't incredibly attached to my car, not the way some people are at least. But it was my first car, and minus its constant mood swings, it was a great car. We had a good 4 years :)
Summer has just about reached its half-way point, and while I have complained about recent heatwaves I will miss it when its gone. I really love summertime. Working in retail again makes me feel like my year is gone already. Today we got our first shipment of Christmas product. And all the Fall product has been out for a few weeks already.
I just try to remind myself that my year is far from over. Being "busy" again gives me that much more motivation to always make time to take in the "small things". And I encourage you to do the same. :)
Here is a little something I wrote tonight; praying it reminds you (as it did for me) that hope is not lost. Much Love. ~Leslie Danielle
Dear Hope, Is it true what I've heard? Are you really lost? I always thought that with God's help I would never lose you, But I am searching way down deep within; Here and there, both near and far. I've watched every hour's news broadcast And it seems they're not even mentioning you're gone. Yet between each and every line they read I hear their desperate need for you. Is it in my future to see you again soon? When you're around me I find it easier to breathe. Getting out of bed in the morning, You give me faith in what I do not see. Without you around, I too, feel lost Won't you please return to me soon? I'm begging God down on my knees To please return my dear friend hope back again to me. But until that day I will pray "For today God I place my hope in you" Only to find that's where you were all along I realize that my hope was never really lost. It seems my mind was clouded with worry That made me easily forget; From where I start to where I end My hope always is, and always will be forever found Resting in God's arms.
"Be brave. Be strong. Don't give up. Expect God to get here soon."
Graduation season has come and almost gone, and honestly I struggled to get through it. I saw picture after picture of people that graduated high school the same year as I did graduate from college this year. In a perfect world I would have been one of them. In the last four years my life has had several unexpected turns...one after the other, after the other. They have been some of the most challenging years and experiences of my life to date. I have yet to see the rhyme or reason to it all, but still I am here.
I have had my moments over the last few weeks as I watched people graduate where I wallowed in self pity which, ironically, led me to a realization that brought so much peace to my heart.
My life is NOTHING like I imagined it would be at this point, but somehow I have this overwhelming peace within that I am EXACTLY where I am SUPPOSED to be. Sometimes it feels like I'm nowhere hoping to end up somewhere, but the truth is that God knows my eternity. Someway the experiences that have brought me here are all pieces of the puzzle. While that fact alone is not always comforting, it doesn't cease to be truth.
For the first time in my life I am beginning to understand what it means when the Bible says in Phillipians 4:7 "And the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus."
They used to be just words on a page. Now they are living, breathing, life-changing. There is no explanation for me to have peace that I am in the right place at the right time when nothing around me points toward answers. Nothing tells me where I am going. Nothing on the outside says I'm going anywhere. But yet I know that I am somewhere now. Beyond any answers I have...I know that I am exactly where I need to be for whatever it is that is next for me.
In the middle of an ongoing storm, in the middle of a desert surrounded by unanswered questions, in the middle of a world at war...
I have peace. My heart is at peace. When my mind struggles to be at peace my spirit takes over and keeps me at peace. Beyond my understanding I have peace and I am trusting that God is guarding my heart and mind from the voices inside that tell me I am on a road going nowhere. More than anything a college degree could give me right now...I have peace.
I stumbled upon this yesterday....and since I'm such a HUGE John Mayer fan (what with my blog name being inspired by him and all haha), I thought I would share.
He is currently working on his fourth album. He has turned an entire house into a recording facility. Which, lets face it, is pretty awesome. :) Anyway, he has dedicated a whole page of his website to serve as a blog where he is writing pretty consistently on how things are progressing and posting videos and teasers on what we can expect to here on the new record. I was really excited and had a lot of fun catching up with it, he started it January so I was behind. Anyway, its lots of fun and in case you haven't gathered it...I'm SUPER excited that I can now look forward to some new music from John Mayer :) Plus I think its awesome that he's letting his fans in on his creative process.
Here is one of my favorite videos from the blog, as an example of some of the fun you can expect to encounter on it :)
We each have our own definition of what a friend is but, I decided to look the word friend up in the dictionary. Some of the definitions were -
1. One attached to another by affection or esteem. 2. One that is not hostile. 3. A favored companion.
Now here is my definition -
1. One that is always there to help you put the pieces of your life back together when life breaks you into a million pieces. 2. One that listens whether they're interested in what you're talking about or not; they are simply interested in you. 3. One that is there to laugh at a tough situation before you're ready to laugh at it...because they know you need to.
And so much more. There's always questions that remain unanswered with each day, but for today...just for today I'm grateful for my friends.
To all of you that are there for me. To all of you who laugh at me. To all of you who laugh with me. To all of you that let me laugh at you. To all of you that listen to me. To all of you who trust me. To all of you who make life's blows just a little bit softer. To all of you who are my friend.
The hugest, heartfelt THANK YOU.
It is you that make my heart smile on the darkest days. Thanks for "claiming" me as your friend even when I'm completely losing it. Most of all...thank you for your love, support, and FRIENDSHIP.
I love you.
“Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don't worry...I'm here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you." -Charlie Brown to Snoopy
Okay, so you know how it feels when a team you're on has a team member that makes a mistake? Let me elaborate...not just a little mistake, but a stupid one. The kind of mess up that makes you put your head in your hands and want to cut all ties with this team so that you aren't guilty by association. I've never been much for team sports, I don't have a competitive bone in my body, but I am familiar with the kind of feeling I just described.
The worst part (other than my lack of hand eye coordination preventing me from succeeding at any sport) is that this "team" of which I speak is my, it pains me to say, "fellow Christians." Ouch.
So, to many this may seem trivial but I feel that it is rant-worthy. Earlier this week Season 8 contestant, Kris Allen was named this year's American Idol (Yay Kris!!! I voted for him.) and with it came a lot of talk from, well most people analyzing his win. It was unexpected to most and is being called an "upset" by some. Anyway, the reason for my rant is that Kris (a Christian worship leader) was portrayed as the "good one" vs. Adam the apparent "bad one". People have a need to judge and categorize and I get that, and it is a competition that people are supposed to judge which I also get, but what upset me is all the people speaking from the "christian" community. Many of them are happy that Kris won simply because of their disagreement with Adam's lifestyle choices. And many are happy with his win because they are hoping that once American Idol has their one record with Kris, that he will return to his "roots" and release a Christian album.
My response to those that support Kris out of their lack of support for Adam is: Why even watch the show? Hello, its the entertainment industry, not exactly the place you want to go if you don't like being offended by lifestyle choices. I'm sure there are plenty of people just walking down the street that you can judge way too harshly. Forget the fact that even though we may disagree with the choices of some, we are still supposed to love them back to the heart of God. And let's face it, a lot of the people judging Adam so harshly, probably aren't even watching the show regularly, but just need their judgment fix where they pretend to play God. Sorry, but this is taking the idea of being "Christ-like" waaay out of context.
Secondly, my response to those that want Kris to release a Christian album: Why is it that you can't just embrace the idea that he could more effectively reach people in the (I hate this word, but) secular market where they most need to be reached? Why should he put out music to saved people when he could quite possibly "save" more people by being a good example of how you can be a Christian and release music that uplifts people and covertly leads them to God's heart. If Kris has a personal relationship with God then no matter what words he sings, God can flow through him to touch people. I think that's part of why Kris has been so great at connecting with people. (And let's face it, if Adam had a personal relationship with God, the same principal would apply) There is something about him that, I feel, brings hope to people...hmm what is it in him that could bring hope to the hopeless?
Anyway, it is my belief that Kris is exactly where he is supposed to be and I hope he keeps on doing what he's led to do. He could potentially impact a lot of people by the light that shines through him. Someone has to successfully convey the truth of God's love. None of this judgmental, let's have the Christians only make music for other Christians stuff... we need to broaden our minds and start to believe that God is everywhere, is in everything, and will reach people with his love however he sees fit and if He needs to he will do it without our help. And He will do it through whoever is willing. Regardless of whether or not we think its appropriate.
Like I said, I just needed to rant. I sometimes strongly dislike my affiliation with Christianity as a whole. I know that I am NOT perfect, in fact, no where near it, but I feel that we are in a time where the pettiness needs to stop and we just need to reach people in all walks of life, through any avenue we can.
"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type.. I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no - I want magenta!" -John Mayer-
I read this quote and loved it instantly! I must admit though that I was a little biased considering I'm a huge John Mayer fan, but still it made me think...How often do we cheat ourselves simply because we get stuck in an 8-color rut? Or worse than that, a 2-color one, where all we see is black and white. Anyway, I just loved the analogy. It serves as a constant reminder to always keep an open mind and heart to all things, all colors. Each one of our lives is a work of art started by The Master and Creator, but it is up to us after that to decide what it is we will do with it. Sure, its perfectly fine to just use the 8-colors but how much more beautiful and vibrant will your life be if you use all the colors that are available to you? I have been truly blessed with the people and experiences that have added so much to my life so far. I will not deny however I have known some people and experiences that are some of the ugliest colors I have ever seen but at the end of the day it has allowed me to appreciate the beautiful ones all the more. I don't want to be a person that misses out terribly on all the amazing things ahead of me just because something is a new color that maybe I've never seen before and wastetime trying to figure out which one of my 8 colors it is. I want to remain open to new things and new combinations of old things. I don't want to place 8-color barriers on my life, I want to live it and experience it fully. And I challenge you to do the same...and let's see what kind of masterpiece we make of it...So to wrap it up here, this is my blog, it will be random and unpredictable but its a place where I can just throw stuff out there, a place to sort out my thoughts, raw and uncut. Also, as an added bonus its a place where my friends and family can check in from time to time since everyone is all over the place. It's just me. (And for my family that is scattered throughout, the occasional update on Joshua too) That's all.
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