Moving - A Cleansing of the Soul

I have yet to meet someone who can genuinely say “I love moving!” (now of course this is the ‘moving’ that involves packing up all of one’s belongings and transporting them from one geographical location to another…not to be confused with merely ‘moving’ from one place on the couch to another). Yet, at some point in all of our lives we find ourselves doing that thing that so many of despise…moving. It is a concept all too familiar to me right now. A little over a week ago my family and I survived a pretty ambitious move. Throughout the process though, I found it interesting how the physical act of packing up all my things seemed to coincide with some internal inventory that I have been taking. Packing and moving forces you to open closets you never open, go through old things you thought would remain sealed in boxes and drawers forever and, well it simply forces you to sort through the past. It is remarkable how much ‘stuff’ we acquire over time, and to think that I am only 22 years into my acquiring process…still so much stuff left for me to compile. Anyway, while I was going through all of the things in my room alone, I had to sort things into piles…things to keep…things to get rid of. I have never been very good at the latter. I am what one might call a compulsive pack rat. Well, this time around I found it much easier to put things in the ‘get rid of’ pile. I think it is an overall theme within me right now, I want so badly for this new phase to be different than phases passed. I finally realized that part of making that happen involves my getting rid of things that I do not need. Now let me clarify, this is not a matter of wardrobe or accessories…the things I have found it necessary to keep over the years are papers, cassette tapes (yes, cassette tapes! I was born on the brink of the CD revolution), letters, old school assignments from Junior High etc…things that most of you would probably refer to as junk. I finally came to a place where I realized that not all of it needed to come with me to my new place, a realization my mom felt was LONG overdue. Simultaneously, I began to learn how to “get rid of” things within me that were of no use to me anymore. Things like hurts from relationships of my past, bitterness towards situations beyond my control, anger about unmet expectations etc. It’s not exactly a one-time process, but I am much further along in it than I have ever been before. It is incredibly freeing, it is allowing me to have a better shot at this new phase in my life being a better one, a different one. There are still many challenges in my present and many more to come in the future, but I feel a glimmer of hope shining through the brokenness that has become my soul…and for now, that is more than enough.

(Oh and as a random side note...it took long enough, but this is my 50th blog post! :) yeah I don't know why it's a big deal, but it is. lol)

My Brother, My Friend

My brother, my friend
We’ve been a pair since the beginning
You have always looked out for me
You played with me even when it didn’t make you cool
Childhood became an adventure with you by my side

My brother, my friend
You taught me what it meant to use my imagination
It was with you that I shared some of my earliest dreams
You always responded with hopeful possibility
You made it cool to dreamMy brother, my friend

When I thought there were monsters in my closet
You didn’t laugh and turn me away
You let me sleep on the floor next to your bed

Or you would leave your door open so I knew you were nearMy brother, my friend
Now we’re both getting older
Life has taught us some pretty brutal lessons
But together, a pair, we still remain
Life’s hard times are a little less scary with you around
Whether its monsters under the bed
Or the unknown up ahead
You are now and have always been
My brother, my friend

Happy Birthday French Fry!
I love you!

Love,
Your sister, Your friend.
-Leslie Danielle

From The Archives

In the process of packing and attempting not to transport unnecessary stuff with me in the move, I came across some poems I had written my Senior year of high school. My elective my last semester was poetry, and while I don't consider myself to be a poet (rather I see myself as a free-form writer), it was nice to see how even before I realized it...writing has always been my safe place. I wrote this poem for a poetry contest, I didn't win, but I remember it was a really big deal that I had the guts to try out. So, here is one of two poems I submitted.

The Song Within Me

Locked up with my hands tied behind my back
With nothing but a slight memory of what used to be my song.
I couldn't even play the music of my pain
I was like a plant in the desert, totally dry
No longer did I have the strength to try
My song had been lost in a prison of my heartache
Bound by the chains of painful memories
So, deep in this prison lay my song
It was gone for so long, I thought it was lost.
I had no hope and had stopped trying to find it.
Then, while in this prison you came to me,
But you came empty-handed, without the key
And still, you stayed next to me and loved me...
Beyond my prison and beyond my chains
In your ears my song still played.
When I couldn't find the lyrics to what was once my song,
You hummed the melody and tried to remind me.
When that failed, you danced to its rhythm and hoped I'd remember.
But still there I stayed, bound in this prison
Searching, but not finding the song of my soul.
Until one day, I started to hear it again.
With each passing day, another verse uncovered;
I had finally found it; the lost song within
When I looked up the chains were gone
And you held in your hand a ring full of keys.
Then I asked, "Where did you get the keys that freed me?"
You answered. "These keys didn't free you, you freed yourself.
Everytime you searched inside to find your song within
Another link of the chain would disappear.
The prison you were in, in which your song lay
Was only a picture of what you looked like inside.
I came to be with you, so you weren't alone
But it was you, yourself that found your way home.
And now you freely sing the song within you."
I looked up at you with tears in my eyes
Because it was not I that freed myself
It was you and your love...your love was the key
You freed, the once lost, song within me

The "Church" Takes 5 Steps Back

Those of you who have been readers of mine for a while know that I possess quite a few self-diagnosed "issues" with church. Issues that are particularly fueled by the current state of the church as it pertains to my generation. In an attempt to "reach" my generation, churches like to throw around the phrase "culturally relevant". Thinking things like: "If we can just be more culturally relevant then that will bring those kids back to church." What should be a brilliant and effective idea, often times turns out to be a train wreck! "What do I mean?" you ask...well let me show you...pause the music to the lower right hand side and watch this video. Then I will continue to explain.

For those of you who thought that the previous video was genius and cutting-edge, please feel free to stop reading now. And for the rest of you...here we go....

SERIOUSLY?!?! Did you see that? The church just took 5 major steps back! There is a HUGE misconception that being "culturally relevant" is to embrace pop culture from the platform. WRONG! How does a display like this one engage me? How does this guide me to a life-changing encounter with the Creator of the universe? How does this make me 'want' to associate with church? Truth is...it doesn't. Maybe 10 or 15 years ago this was radical and cutting edge, today not so much.

I think I have tackled this one before, but in my opinion cultural relevance has very little to do with the current top 40 hits. What I feel churches fail to consider is the social, economic, technological, etc., changes in today's culture. Being educated and aware of such changes is to be culturally relevant. (Again, only my opinion) The essence of my generation's culture has so much more to do with the ease of access to information and networking, than it does "secular" (you know I hate that word) music. Most of us don't remember life before computers, Internet, texting, etc., instant information is what we are accustomed to. This is not to say that we should all sit in church on Sunday and have the pastor text message us the sermon while sitting right in front of him, but simply means to tell us the truth instantly. Since we are able to find answers so quickly, it is not appealing to go to a church on a Sunday morning where tough questions we have are glossed over because they may be uncomfortable. So, churches, please don't just assume that playing Coldplay as part of your Sunday morning service will "reach" us...please don't reduce our intelligence to such a low level, we have much more substance than that. Thanks.

Serious stuff aside...I did find this video absolutely hilarious. lol. :)

[Big thanks to Matthew Paul Turner for sharing this video]

Let's Talk Music

Every once in a while we are fortunate enough to come across an artist/album/song that has the ability to stop us in our tracks. I had such a moment this week and I just HAVE to share it with you! :) Anyone close to me knows that since my childhood I have had what (at some points) has been a slight obsession with Motown and its earliest era. I have always found it so astounding that music created long before my time can still move me when I hear it today. It was music bred in a time where creativity wasn't as encouraged as it is now, but rather it was necessary in the hopes that it would inspire. Sometimes it inspired people to dance, other times it inspired people not just to dance but to dance right through the racial boundaries that had been placed on them by society. This music had something so special about it. Though socially, it was a hard time to live in for some people, I have always wished that I could have been around back then. I wish that I could hear these songs that would become classics for the first time when music like it was unheard of. I love a lot of the music my generation has produced thus far, but nothing has excited me the way Mayer Hawthorne did when I first heard it. When you hear the first couple tracks on his album A Strange Arrangement your first thought is that he is merely covering old Motown-era songs. Once I researched a little more I learned that every song on his record is completely original...straight from his mind to our ears. He has somehow managed to write brand new songs that sound as though they were new songs back then. He has a love for the music of that era...an era that he didn't belong too. They were 'oldies' when he was a kid but he fell in love the music. He wrote all the songs on the album and plays a lot of the instruments himself in addition to singing beautifully on the whole thing. If you're a fan of Motown and music from that original time I would definitely recommend that you give it a listen. :) It's a little eerie at times how it sounds old but is brand new. It's an 'eerie' that I love! Hope you like it! (In case you hadn't gathered it yet...this is a major 2 thumbs up for me! )

Here is a taste of what you can expect to hear on the album. Enjoy!

**Also John Mayer said (via Twitter) that in his opinion Album of the Year goes to Mayer Hawthorne**

Change. Changing. Changed.

Change Is....Inevitable. Constant. Impossible to escape. Scary. Difficult. And at this moment in my life, more present than it has been in a while. It seems as though in a few short moments so much has changed, is changing, and will continue to change. As you may remember from past posts my family has been hit like so many others with this economic recession and have been fighting to stay above water. We have spent many nights begging, pleading with God that a way out would come. It has taken what has felt like an eternity, but things are finally starting to be set in motion...a forward motion. My dad has been given a great opportunity to be a part of a church with big dreams, a team, doing one of the things he was created to do. Worship. He now the primary worship pastor for Rock Solid Christian Assembly in San Pedro. This position is relocating us to San Pedro. It isn't far from where we are now, but logistically is going to be quite an adjustment. Also through this church there is a new church being planted in Newport Beach that my dad is also leading worship for. The pastor he is working with, Pastor Brad, has been so great toward our family, so welcoming and loving. (A feeling I haven't "felt" in a church for a long time) All in all it seems that it could be a positive change. The catch is that it is a whole lot of change coming at once. I worked my last day at Michael's last Saturday and once we settle in our new place I will have to seek direction for what my next job opportunity will be. And finally, the change that is beginning in my life that will "affect" you my lovely readers :) is that I am in the very early stages of work toward redesigning my blog. I have reconnected with an old friend that is really excited to work on the site. It means a possible relocation of 64 colors to its own site entirely, free from blogger. It's an opportunity to build it from the ground up, an opportunity I am super excited about. I am trying to search within myself for clarity as to what I really want to see this site become. I feel that each day I get a little bit closer to finding another piece of the puzzle. It could mean big things for the potential growth of my readers which would be incredible. The more people that I can possibly impact just amazes and excites me. Its an opportunity I hope to be presented with in the near future. More on the blog changes as I know more, it is going to be a ways down the road but I just wanted to share my good news with you all :) As I have said before, I love what I get to do here. I aspire to be better at it, and it is my heart's desire that every once in a while something I write about, or an experience that I share with you will resonate with you and serve as a reminder that none of us have to go this journey alone. That knowledge has been a huge source of strength for me in recent months. Well, that's it for now. I hope you guys have had a wonderful week. Talk to you soon.